No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
