Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize