Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
