We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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