my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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