fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
