I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize