Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
