Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dick very happy bro
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
