I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
