So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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