Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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