Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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