I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
