throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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