I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
