I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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