Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
