So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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