Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
