Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
