yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
