hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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