hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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