she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
