Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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