I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
