New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
