yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
