Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
