He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
