i wish there were pregnant emoticons
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
