I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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