I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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