i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
