WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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