A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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