The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
