While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
