I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize