I murdered the dance floor call the cops
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
