I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
