I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
