I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize