Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I enjoy the company of your penis
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize