He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize