I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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