I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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