I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
