I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
