Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So much rum. So many feels.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
