I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
