My underwear smells like fireworks.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We left the knife in your bed.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
