do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
