I'm so fucking centered right now
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize