Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
