Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
