you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
