i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
