We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's shark week go big or go home
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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