I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
