My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
