I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
