i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
