So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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