The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
