I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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