Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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