if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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