I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
