omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Someone signed my nipple.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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