We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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