Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
COCAINE IS GR8
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
